Is there such a thing called nosecentric? I can imagine that’s mostly in the animal kingdom, sans human. Animals seek their prey, find their families, locate dead bodies, suss out disease and drugs and all manner of things (green spotted tree frogs) with their snozzes. We breathe, smell,filter irritants and contaminants (not as well as other animals), and sneeze out of ours. Oh yes, and get sinus infections. Children put things up their noses as it’s a handy spot, but other than that, our noses are pretty simple.
My nose has become the obsessive , irritating overwhelming focus of my life. Is it okay? Is it swollen? I want to rip it off my face. I can’t breathe through my nose. I have to sleep sitting up obsessing about my nose. Has the infection moved into my brain? Maybe I have covid slow. I can’t think straight. I can barely think crooked.
Why did I do this? I know that my nose had begun to seem like an added appendage with no possible utility. Everybody has a nose, so I needed a nose to look normal, so whoever put this face together decided to just plop it on with a little Elmer’s and hope for the best. The doctor said (obviously before he thought), you have a deformed nose. He tried to amend that, but it had already been heard, mulled over and swallowed like a bitter pill. My tubinatators are too big, my septum deviates, I have scar tissue and this that and the other thing. I wanted to tell him—Yeah, but your breath smells like the seventh level of hell . I didn’t. He had his scope up my nose.
As an aside: on the 5th level of hell the sullen gurgle beneath the Styx. That sounds like me sullenly gurgling. I believe the Dr. is on the 8th level for Frauds. He told me everything was easy peasy. He was unrelentingly upbeat, smiling, and even came to see me before the surgery and struck a strongman pose. Easy for him. He wasn’t having his nose reamed out.
Alright, enough already. I am feeling good this morning. I took an anti-anxiety pill last night and slept eleven hours. My head is feeling normal (well as normal as it ever does). I can breathe through my nose and will attempt bending over later in the day.
I would not have made it through these trials (kind of a Greek theme here), if not for my sister Jane, stalwart and true, loving and kind, and a group of loving friends who have provided succor and soup, apple crisp and rolls, words of encouragement and love. And don’t forget laughter. I almost forgot how to laugh but guys, it’s like a bike, you never forget. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
As my nose sinks in it’s rightful place, your friendship buoys me up.
Hello. Yes, this is Dog 