Went for a walk with Kate and Jano in the Grand Forest today. Jano was looking for mushrooms. Mushrooms can be fungal, but not all fungus are mushrooms. Who knew? I learned about pores and gills, and keying (using a dichotamous key), to identify the good ones.
Speaking of fungus, on Thursday, Kate had her court hearing. The Prosecutor is adamant that Kate needs to pay back $1000 by November 20th. Robin wants us to help to the tune of $500. I do not want to give Kate any of the money. Here we go again. Rob wants to save her and I want her to learn. I don’t want her to hurt, but I do think that it is important that she experience the consequences of her actions so she doesn’t repeat them.
Who’s right? I don’t believe it is a question of right. It is a different approach to life. Having said that and sounding oh so fair, I think Rob is full of shit.
I don’t want Kate to go to jail, I don’t want Kate’s “recovery” jeopardized, I don’t want her traumatized. But I don’t want to be traumatized. I don’t want to put out anymore money. Time I’ve got, love I’ve got, money not so much.
It really bothers me that Rob wants to fly in and save the day. He’s doing this for himself to make himself feel better. Once again it’s the easy fix and nobody learns how to do anything.He wants to fly in with my money and save the day.
I don’t want him to do this. He should get a job if he wants to do this. I have already paid Kate’s credit card bill, am paying her Hospice and pay her phone.
But you see I’m arguing with myself—that’s why I get stuck in this argument with Robin. I need to own the fact that I feel guilty when I say no. I feel bad when I have to set limits. I don’t want Kate to go to jail. But I do not want to bail her out. No more. Absolutely no more.
How do I tell Rob this with out making him furious? Well, i guess number one is I don’t tell him that I think he’s lame. That’s never a good start. I don’t accuse him of anything. What I do say is “No!” , a thousand times “No!”
No discussion, recrimination or history, just no. I’ll have to work on this.
Aunt Fran says it’s really hard not to get all righteous and puffed up and I told you so-ey. She’s right. I want to lord my rightness all over the place.
Aunt Fran says “Keep it simple babygirl. Say what you want and shut up. The rest is all years of anger and shit in new packaging. It’s always been the same argument over and over again.”
Who’s right? Who’s wrong? Who’s in charge? and Who’s the better person?
You see—I like black and white. I am the good one and he is the bad one. He is lazy and I am industrious. I work, he doesn’t. Jesus Mary and Joseph. When did I become such a concrete thinker? I don’t really think I am unless in this most intimate of relationships. It’s like he’s my other half and he’s the bad one. Don’t laugh, I believe that is probably what’s going on.
I need to stick with the fact that I am going to say no. I will feel bad about this, but I am going to say no. Being cruel to be kind. Oh, that Old Testament.
, I believe my credibility would improve a hundredfold if I looked like this….
Hello. Yes, this is Dog 